The Children's Hour

Saucyman – After I graduated from College, I traveled for a year, returned to the states, secured a full-time job in the big city far away from my childhood home. I was applying for [Grad School], getting ready to move in with my boyfriend, yet when I came home for Thanksgiving that year, I was seated at the children's table. 24 years old and I am talking to the kids about Thomas the Train.

Last year I attended a holiday gathering, I was seated next to a 'tween', who was very polite, but we spent the meal talking about Hanna Montana. 13 years later in my life and the conversation had only grown up 4 years.

Is there an established legal age for the grownup table? – Adult Deficit Disorder

A few years ago in Saucyland, enough of our parents showed up for Thanksgiving that we were able to seat them all at a table together. The "Parents Table" was supposed to be divine retribution or at least low-level indemnification. Every time I looked over at their table to enjoy the fruits of the passive aggressive seating, the 'adults' were laughing, sharing photos or exchanging prescription drugs – they were having so much fun I tried to pull up a chair in get on the action.

Apparently, seating a bunch of people together with similar backgrounds and interests is not punishment at all, it turns out it is actually the sign of a thoughtful host. While it would be easier to use an algorithm or quasi-algebraic formula – You may be seated at the grownup’s table (GT) when your current age is 2 times greater than the average age of the children’s table - just plug the numbers in and let the math adjudicate the issue. Stating an unequivocal age -16,21,37, whatever - or placing a demographic requirement like 2 years of college of better, would really help mitigate this issue, there is no magical formula or set rules about such things.

There are two conflicting ideas at work here: First, never underestimate the importance of adult time. Second, for better or worse, children need to learn how to dine with and like adults, the best practice is actually doing it. The problem with Thanksgiving or another big formal dinner is that it is the equivalent of going from playing pick up games at the park to trying to guard Kobe Bryant – there is a difference in the level of play.

Complicating the issue is, like adults, some youngins are better conversationalists and far more interesting than their cohorts or people their parent's and grandparent's age. As disappointing as it was for you to have to talk about Hanna Montana, I’m sure your interlocutor was equally disappointed – no one over 30 really knows enough about Miley Cryus to hold a decent conversation.

It really wasn’t fair to either one of you to get put in that situation. There should have been an adult; either a parent or family friend/relative seated next to the 'tween' to help them navigate the grownup up table but it was kind of you to perform the task of the mentoring adult even if you didn’t want to. Even if all you wanted to do is kick back, drink wine, talk about adulty things; I offer this as a consolation at least you weren’t stuck next to the Uncle who quotes the most incendiary AM radio talk shows like it fact rather than opinion, now there is someone who needs an adult to teach him about conversation.