Vanilla Isn't Really all that Vanilla

Saucyman, what kind of dessert would you make for a woman you would wanted to [woo]?

Careful with the desserts, yes they sweet and rich and because of this - easy to like but they can also be all flash and no sustenance. Don’t make some over the top dessert. Go with a something straight forward, confident and vanilla. I would go with vanilla custard.

Vanilla does have a reputation of being plain, without special features, ordinary. The kids use the descriptive form of the word to label sex without adventure or imagination as vanilla. This is unfair to vanilla. The fruit of a climbing orchid native to Central America, is actually comprised of hundreds of flavor compounds. It is the most prominent chemical in this mix, vanillin (C8H8O3 for all you chemists) that causes the problem. Because the demand for vanilla constantly exceeds supply and because vanillin is easily and cheaply synthesized from wood pulp and alcohol (about 1/7 of the cost; without pesky suppliers and unstable governments) it is synthetic vanillin that is used in industrial food processing, perfumes and room fresheners that ultimately devalues true vanilla.

If the adjective form does no justice, it is easier to understand the subtle powers of the noun vanilla. A brown, leathery pod, that has been fermented and cured - barely gives you barely a hint of what is stored inside. Split a vanilla bean down the middle and the aroma - stored in the tiny seeds and sticky resin that clings to inside of the walls of the pod, comes alive. The overt flavor of the vanillin is rounded out with floral, tobacco, honey, wood and clove tones, the scent, like the taste is intricate, subtle and exotic.

Because vanilla’s flavoring agents are more soluble in alcohol than water, vanilla usually comes bottled as a pourable 80 proof extract. But, if you are pitching woo, you’ll need a whole vanilla bean. Cooking can be a bit of theatre: the sight of the dark vanilla seeds suspended in a light custard is visually alluring. An even better show would consist of breaking the bean open, scraping down the sides in front of your intended, but considering the mixing, the cooking and the cooling unless you already are planning spending the weekend together, the dessert will never be ready in time.

Vanilla Custard

1 Cup cream
4 egg yolks
¼ C. sugar
1 vanilla split lengthwise and scrape the seeds and resins off with a knife - reserve.

Before any cooking begins, you will need 4 – 4oz ramekins and a water bath. A water bath is hot water in an ovenproof dish that helps insulate the custard from the direct heat of the oven – the oven will heated to 350, the water surrounding the ramekins will remain about 180-200. Heat water to a boil in a kettle, fill a pan big enough to hold 4 ramekins full half full with hot water, place on a rack in the oven and preheat to 350.

Once the water bath is in the oven - Warm the cream and spent vanilla bean on stove or microwave until barely simmering. Remove from heat and vigorously whisk in egg yolks, one at a time and then add sugar. Remove bean and whisk in scraped vanilla, pour mixture into ramekins, then place ramekins in water bath and cook for 1-1 1/2 hours until about 2/3 of the custard is set but the inside is still quivery. Remove ramekins from water bath onto a cooling rack. Let cool for 20 minutes, cover in plastic (this prohibits a skin forming on the surface), then refrigerate for 8 to 48 hours.

If you are really pitching woo it will take more than a custard. Place two ramekins on a dinner plate with two spoons and the other half of the vanilla bean and serve – If you are really pitching woo it will take more than a custard or a nice presentation, try conversation, while you could talk about anything, from how your day went to how the compound vanillin appears in charred wood, which is why barrel aged red wine is said to have vanilla flavors. Or you could pick up the half of a bean that is on the plate as a garnish and a guide and tell the tale of how vanilla cuttings were smuggled out of Mexico and taken to potential plantations across the Indian Ocean but the orchid would not bear fruit. Long before science had realized the plant needed insects which had coevolved with the plant to fertilize it - on the isle of Reunion, a slave named Edmond Albius figured out how to self-pollinate the plant by gently touching the anther the stigmatic surface together; knowledge that would earn his emancipation.

At this point, I’d make the obvious joke about self-pollination but after all your effort you might not want to risk spending the evening alone, so ask if your dessert companion if she has ever used a vanilla bean before.