We’ll return to the issue of tarts later in the week. I know you are dying to know what exactly is the difference between pate sucree and shortbread, but in my never ending quest to be relevant and timely…Yesterday, the NY Times ran the first half of 100 Things Restaurant Staffers Should Never Do. In typical service industry fashion it is phrased in the negative – and it is a long list of no-nos to memorize. Granted, 10 things every waiter should do is not as fun or as ranty. After 20 some years of working retail and restaurants, there are some gems in there.
Special praise to #39 – never call a woman ‘lady’. I would add ma’am to that rule. A 17th century contraction of madam is servile and antiquated; neither respectful nor deferential to age, it is an anachronism. As an experienced veteran of the retail wars and separately as a bit of a flirt and a charmer, I would caution, never, ever call any woman aged vaguely between 30-50 ‘Ma’am’. Call someone in her 40s ‘Miss’ and you make their day, call someone who is 31 Ma’am and you occasionally get tears. I’ve seen it happen. And even if you don’t see tears, it doesn’t really make women glow with happiness.
I am little less hostile about #38, never call a man ‘dude’. I find a well-placed ‘dude’ really takes the edge off of what you are saying, especially when you are delivering bad news. #41, never say ‘no problem’ is so obvious it doesn’t need to be said. Saying ‘No problem’ actually means it is a problem, and really, you’re at work, customers don’t care about your problems; work is a result driven arena. Don’t talk about obstacles - Can you deliver or not. Like all rules, there are exceptions and tacking a dude on the end of ‘no problem’ does take some of the edge off of telling a customer their request is in fact problematic.
I hate personable waiters. I don’t need to know names, their opinion of the menu (unsolicited statements about food and drink makes me feel like they are attempting to unload merchandise) and while there is a time and a place for charm in this world, it isn’t 5 minutes before the check lands on the table. My friends object when I talk like this. They will either imply or accuse me of desiring service workers to be autonomic Borg.
And this is wrong. My current job, my day job, the one I am constantly encouraged not quit, I sell books. I don’t walk around rolling my eyes every time someone looks at Tom Robbins or Ayn Rand. If asked, I will give my opinion on a book, but if someone wants a recommendation, I inquire what kinds of books they like rather than talk about myself and what I like to read – does that make me illiterate, uninteresting or any less unread?
Being professional, especially in non-professional settings like retail and restaurants, isn’t the death of personality. Do you want your physician to be Patch Adams or a detached practitioner who can diagnose and treat maladies? Do you want your mechanic to constantly talk about what pieces of crap Fords are (in his very learned opinion) or do you want him to fix your Escort? Why is it any different when you go out to dinner? Being confident/competent, knowledgeable and attentive is not the same as being soullessly walking through life.
I know no one dreams of growing up and waiting tables or working in a bookstore. But is that really any excuse for skating on some combination of attitude, intelligence, charm and/or an abundance of personality; learn and practice your craft.
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