Asparagus Week: The Thicker the Stalk

Saucyman – Are you really supposed to break thick asparagus in half? It seems wasteful.

A popular bit of kitchen wisdom tells cooks to hold asparagus - tip in one hand, base in the other and bend. The spot where the tip sags away from the base is where you are supposed to cut or break in half.

This is silly talk; I never quite understand the logic on that advice. For openers, woody asparagus is not a structural engineering issue – it doesn’t matter where the stalks sag. Secondly, you loose 1/2 to 2/3 the asparagus by prepping the veg this way.

Like all effective lies, there is some truth here; part of the stem does need to be severed - the very bottom of thick asparagus is fibrous, woody and will never cook. The question is how much to take off...Generally, removing the bottom inch will do the job but the proper tool to use here isn’t a ruler, it is your fingers. Get in there and decide where the stalk goes from the consistency of bamboo to more of a green bean type of pliability is where you want to make your cut.

After the woody part of the asparagus is gone, you need to make a decision: whole or pieces. There is no shame in cutting that expensive asparagus into pieces. This method is quick and easy and leaves you veg that can be used in pasta or risotto or stir fried with shrimp.

If you want to leave the asparagus whole, you need to peel the stalk. There are special asparagus peelers - contoured to follow the shape of the stalk and have a knife like edge – the tips on these peelers as sharp and dangerous as a prop from a high school production of West Side Story. Besides, you don’t need fancy or specialized, a regular kitchen peeler works just as well. Peel it like a carrot. You can leave a little the skin intact towards the cladodes – the cluster of leaves that form the asparagus tip (the parts of the stalk that look like would be branches are called phylloclades).

So, when is asparagus thick enough to peel and when do you stop peeling? These questions are best answered with another question: Do I want to eat that? No, keep peeling/Yes, put the peeler down. The peeled asparagus, won’t be white, that is done by restricting sunlight in the growing process, instead the peeled stalk will be a pastelish shade of green, the type of green you would see on a shirt on a banana republic mannequin March or April; the shade of green the 4 cylinder European cars come in, a green slightly darker, but much more vibrant than Mountain Dew type of green.

Once the all your asparagus are peeled, the veg can be prepared in any manner you want. Roasted, sautéed, bundled and steamed. Some people even go as far as to prefer peeled asparagus believing with the skins removed, the veg is milder, less gamey, that the peeled stalks lend themselves better to milder accompaniments like butter or gremolatta. For me it isn’t a taste or really a texture issue, I just don’t think you should serve inedible portions of food on a plate – that is what cooks are there for, so a meal is ready to eat when it hits the table.

Saucyman returns on Sunday answering questions from the kitchen.

Asparagus Week: Time Out

As tomorrow is Ash Wednesday, today is Fat Tuesday or Mardi Gras. A fact completely overlooked when planning upcoming posts. Since I don't have anything fresh, there are leftovers today. A recipe for gumbo: Lenten Style. And if okra isn't your thing; the cultural legacy of Red Beans is examined here. Or before you slip into unconsciousness, and are wondering what is the best hot sauce, the crystal ship is being filled here.

I had even saved a question a Friend of Saucyman asked about using file and okra together in gumbo. As Robert Burns pointed out the best laid plans for posting often go awry...

The answer was using both, together is much like wearing a belt and suspenders - it is just never quite right. Then I was going to explain where file comes from and how to use it.

Maybe next year.

Saucyman will return to the topic of asparagus within a few dozen hours, but until then enjoy the charming, late Danny Barker leading eh la bas

Asparagus Week: Top 10 (ish) Facts (ish) About Asparagus

Fact: Asparagus is about 4 % sugar (sugar beets are 15-20%, sweet corn 3%, sweet potatoes a little over 4%); making it one of the sweeter vegetables available at the market. But the sugar content starts to diminish from the time it is picked, so buy fresh/use quickly.

Fact: Growers produce a little over a pound of fresh asparagus for each resident of the US, according to data from the Department of Agriculture. Our asparagus consumption has increased 25% since we were partying in and like it was 1999. We now eat more fresh and frozen asparagus, while the canned variety is on a slow decline – shame it is because pickled asparagus can be really good.

Fact: Pliny the Elder described asparagus as being 3 to the pound. Opinion: Even if they knew what pencils were, it is a safe guess that Romans would not have been aficionados of pencil thin asparagus.

Fact: The word asparagus evolved from a term meaning sprout. More directly the word emerged from the phrase sparrow's grass.

Fact: Asparagus makes urine smell. 80% of Americans but only 50% of Brits (Opinion: USA, USA, USA!) excrete the sulfurous compounds from asparagus. These people clinically and politely known as excreters, currently they are thought to inherit this ability/malady genetically.

Fact: There are about 6 compounds that cause the trademark asparagus pee smell. Methanethiol, that lovely, lovely smell associated with skunks and dimethyl sulfide appear to be the two main attractions while they other four are responsible for the ambient odors in the smell bouquet.

Fact: Asparagus grown in sulfur depleted soil has less of a urinary impact that high sulfur soils, meaning Walla-Walla, Maui and Vidalia should all market asparagus - Opinion .

Fact: The research is far from conclusive - other studies suggest everyone produces the asparagus pee smell, but only some can detect it. Depending on who you believe, as many as 50, 75 or 90 % of the world’s population cannot detect the sulfurous odor of asparagus in their urine or in the case of clinical studies, that odor in other people’s urine.

Opinion: The great thing about science is it never changes, so once something is decided, it is true forever (see below).

Opinion: Anything that smells that bad has to be good for you, or at least has medicinal value. Historically, the bad smell in urine was proof positive that asparagus was leeching toxins from the body. The second half of veg’s Latin name, asparagus officinalis, means from the dispensary; stalks have long been prescribed as a purgative, diuretic and deobstruent. Me, I like modern western medicine, and if I had kidney troubles, I’d start with a clinically tested, FDA approved drug (and start being nice to my brother as a back up plan) before I would attempt a self-cure with two pears and a pound of asparagus – although that prescription is 2/5 of the way to the possibility of a good meal.

Historical Belief: Besides opening up pores and ducts, asparagus also has a reputation as nature’s Viagra – and is constantly cited as an aphrodisiac. No one really says why, many surmise this is do to the phallic shape of the veg. There has to be another, less obvious reason for this.

Fact: Asparagus is a member of the lily family; Lily is the name of one of my dogs.

Fact: White asparagus is not a special cultivar, it is grown by depriving the asparagus of sunlight which would in turn produce the green tinted chlorophyll. Opinion: White asparagus tastes a little more bitter, is a little more expensive and is more revered in Northern Europe, Spain and Argentina.

Fact: Purple asparagus is tinted by Anthocyanins, a water volatile compound - Opinion: meaning good luck keeping that color during the cooking process.

Fact: Asparagus shoots/stalks emerge from an underground corm. Because a corm is round and stores energy to help a plant survive dormant periods, it is sometimes thought of as a bulb but this would be wrong. A corm is a stem made of solid material; while bulbs are mostly modified leaves. So, when a corm is cut in half it is solid, but when a true bulb is cut in half it is layered.

Asparagus Week: Stalk Options

Saucyman – Sometimes I think I like asparagus. I see it in the store, I get excited, I buy it, then I get home and the magic ends…Any suggestions – Secretly composting asparagus

Back in my days as young cook, I had opinions, strong opinions about vegetables – I felt it was not wrong but criminal to drown the flavor of veg in heavy sauces or lazily throwing ham, cheese or bacon on top of them – at that point of my cooking evolution, the important part of preparing food was how to extract the natural goodness from the veg and match it to other flavors and components of the meal.

Developing flavor from ingredients is still my very definition of cooking, though I have relaxed my stance enough to realize hollandaise, aioli, cheese and prosciutto aren’t always the enemy of produce. This isn’t a lazy mid-life concession more of a slow acceptance that there are different ways of doing things. I am still not convinced about the butter/yolk emulsification called hollandaise, which seems overwhelm everything.

Something I would have vehemently opposed as an angry young fella, is now one of my favorite preparations. Marcella Hazan’s has a recipe that combines blanched asparagus with prosciutto and the semi-soft/semi-stinky fontina cheese under the broiler to great effect. Also on the Italianesque side of cooking - garlic, olive oil, are good accompaniments whether served separately or together. Even emulsify the two together with an egg yolk and you have aioli which is garlicy goodness. Serve hot or cold but be warned; the nearly identical ingredients in Caesar dressing do not work with asparagus at all.

For rice enthusiasts, I have had asparagus on sushi rice. Asparagus risotto, made with the thick-stemmed asparagus peeled and cut into small discs makes for a nice dinner. Steamed asparagus with peanut sauce and a side of rice is very good – the addition of beef, tofu or shrimp elevate this combo from appetizer to entrée. Subbing asparagus for green beans in panang curry is not bad; it is just that all the flavors compete for attention on the palate.

Blanching in the kitchen is to partially cook an ingredient and it is something you want to do if you are cooking asparagus in egg dishes. Avoid the baked frittata style egg preparations in favor of the omelet type dishes. A little cheese, unless it is the individually wrapped American variety wouldn’t hurt anything here. A light powdering with paprika adds a pleasant layer of flavor in straightforward dishes like omelets.

Like an omelet, crepes filled with fontina, manchego and parm cheese then stuffed with asparagus makes for an easy, happy dinner – ham, Spanish chorizo or hard salami make good additions. I get teased for this all the time but I like an Asparagus sandwiches: Baguette, butter and thinly sliced, red onions that have been marinated in vinegar and mustard seed. It is really good, but taste is never the debate; the hazing is about it whether I can legitimately call this a sandwich.

Cut stalks into 2-inch pieces and add to linguine cream/alfredo to make a seasonal pasta dish. Maybe adding cream to things and pureeing is not the height of sophistication or culinary ability but asparagus soup is really good, especially with a grilled cheese. Grill the thick stems, mix with morel mushrooms for a spring treat. Combine asparagus with cherry tomatoes and corn and you have a very nice veg side after a little cooking. And for corn by a different name combining polenta and asparagus makes for a meal.

If all this is too much information, don’t over think – sauté with butter, salt and pepper and squeeze lemon juice on top. A good side or a dinner onto itself.

Saucyman returns over the weekend with top 10 facts about asparagus and then asparagus week continues with recommendations about how to deal with fat, woody asparagus.

Comal-chameleon

Saucymano - What is the best way to cook a tortilla? I want soft, not crispy. - No 4th meal here

Best is such a subjective term. Traditionally, tortillas were cooked on a round/disc shaped pan called a comal.

But pre-made, wrapped in plastic, uniformly sized tortillas aren't especially traditional. Back in the day, the pre-Columbian day, dried corn would have been stripped from the cob, soaked/partially cooked in a solution of lime (alkali not citrus) and water, then pounded/rolled out in a contraption called a metate (right) and mixed into a dough consisting of water and fat – lard became the fat of choice during the Spanish colonial period: Now commonplace but is lard traditional? There were 1000s of years of culture before Cortes and the pig showed up.

Just as tortillas have evolved over the years with different cultural influences, so has the comal. Aztecs, Mayans, and Olmecs, whose heads probably were more proportional to their bodies than their sculptures lead us to believe, would have cooked on a comal made of terra cotta, stone or volcanic rock. Metallurgy, iron works in particular, were by and large a Spanish import. Eventually, cast iron and enameled metal replaced the traditional earthen comals – so much so that by the time Encarnacion’s Kitchen, was published in 1898 - the first cookbook written by a habla Hispana in the US - a comal is defined as ‘a ceramic or metal disc” used to cook tortillas, seeds or chilies.

I have tasted handmade tortillas a few times cooked on a terra cotta comal – Both in Mexico and East LA, the latter location was very proud of their traditional comal; in Mexico there was little fanfare, it just seemed to be the what they cooked on, what they have always on, to the point that I wonder how quickly the vendor would have jumped at the chance to upgrade from a charcoal fire and earthen cookware to a sturdy cast iron pan heated consistently by gas, propane or electricity? Musing aside, the terra cotta didn’t really add more flavor – tortillas made from traditional ingredients, made by traditional methods, made at the time of ordering, that made a difference in taste, but as far as the cooking medium went; not really all that discernible in the final product.

Watching someone grind nixtamal or roll masa by hand does make a person appreciate modern western conveniences. Even in the fairly fancy restaurant in Los Angeles, I felt very imperial watching the amount of energy expended to make two small tacos. My friend and dinner companion, a Chicano, watching two young attractive Californio women hand-rolling tortillas, fell in love on the spot. He just kept ordering one taco at a time so he could watch them work in the open kitchen.

Target, Amazon, Wal-Mart all sell cast-iron comals but if you have a handy seasoned, versatile cast-iron skillet of your own, you probably don’t need another pan, you only need to be cautious of temperature and moisture. Medium heat and add just a tiny amount of oil – not enough so the oil will pool in the bottom of the pan, but more like you are lightly coating the pan, spread the oil around with a brush or paper towel until it is a thin veneer. Next add about a teaspoon of water, careful heat, oil and water makes for some splatter but if the heat is low enough and the oil is distributed properly, this won’t be an issue. Add the tortilla, cook until the water evaporates, flip it over and cook until it looks right to you.

Coming up next on Saucyman – Asparagus, Asparagus, Asparagus.

Bake Lady Bake, Bake in my Big Brass Oven

Over the weekend the Saucykitchen turned out about 6-dozen ladyfingers. Eventually, sandwiched with zabaglione, mascarpone, espresso and whipped cream to form a tiramisu. Sure, you can buy ladyfingers at the store, but they are about 4 times more expensive and they are over-packaged: Cardboard, plastic wrap and occasionally a plastic tray, usually imported – a dessert's carbon footprint just shouldn’t even be a concern; and despite triple packaging, pre-made ladyfingers are drier than I like. With money being tight these days, the fact I am quite specific about ingredients and knowing everyday is Earth Day, I spent Sunday morning baking ladyfingers.

Baking is pretty rote; your hands stay and work but your mind is free to roam. Because I was making a triple batch of ladyfingers, my internal ipod started playing “Once, Twice, Three times a ladyfinger”. Then I started wondering how can you be 3 times a lady, not like she is 3x the lady as someone else, but somehow she did three things as a lady, each action reinforcing and elevating the inherent ladiness – so that being 3 times a lady is so much more ladyonderful than twice a lady. While nothing useful will come from over-thinking Lionel Ritchie lyrics that mental exercise did stop me from singing bad 80s pop, badly.

No aging rocker has ever co-opted the French term, Biscuits à la cuillère – roughly, spoon cookies. Italians call them Savoiari - meaning from Savoy, an homage to the alleged birthplace of the wee cakes: The story is they were created to honor a visit from the French crown. The English, who you’d think would be predisposed to the term lady, call them boudoir biscuits or trifle sponges.

Ladyfingers aren’t alone, the namers of food like throw lady in the title to help elevate a product. One of my favorite apples, the Pink Lady, tastes cidery and sweet but its prurient name also helps my purchase decision. The ladyfish is a bony fish used to make fishcakes in SE Asian. The cowpea is also known as the lady pea; lady’s thistle, lady’s sorrel and lady’s thumb are all less than common greens. Okra is the lady’s (possessive) finger although not exclusively, miniature clusters of bananas are also sold as lady’s fingers. Lady crab is a small crustacean found on the Atlantic seaboard. A Lady’s purse is not a diamond studded clutch but a relative to the cabbage.

The problem with lady as a word is that far from adding value, it vexes. It’s not just bad songs from people with limited vocabularies or the fingers on chalkboard reaction to Jerry Lewis or worse, Jerry Lewis imitators saying ‘Hey, Ladeee’, after 20 years in restaurants and retail, calling a female customer ‘lady’ is not a term service industry worker's attempt to defer to one’s superior social status. It is code, not even a super-secret ‘DaVinci Code’, but a pretty straight forward way of telling an emotionally unhinged, privileged, aggressively rude, woman to hush. Even if someone were to use the word in a complimentary sense like Mister Ritchie or the people who write Hallmark cards and romance novels, there is nothing respectable about a lady - a notional concept of virginal, genteel, a title bestowed by a man to socially elevate a woman. It is a far cry from the ideals democracy and meritocracy and a long way from its respectable etymological roots of ‘one who kneads loaves’. Lady is not a word I would ever use, unless I was piping sponge cake in 1 x 3 inch tubes and even then, I have to stop doing that.

Love Doesn't Stink, Actually it Smells Appetizing

Eating and the act of physical love are easily comparable: Meals, like their corollary, can be long, elaborate affairs full of tastes, flavors and nuance. If they are good enough, merely remembering will make you happy years later thinking about the event. Every so often, an occasion is remarkable in the fact everything falls in place easily, naturally - like finding a really good restaurant on vacation – an inauspicious storefront hides near perfect food served with a local vintage; the day, the meal are all about goodwill and happenstance. Or things can be new, remember the first time you tasted Pho or Thai food? Sweet, hot, full of new flavors or the time someone made coffee with cardamom or sweetened the your cup with sugar perfumed by vanilla so that there was something both exotic and familiar in your morning ritual? Sometimes you’re hungry you’ll take a quick & cheap burger – and depending on the level of hunger, you’ll have at in a car.

Cooking an elaborate dinner cook for only yourself does seem a tad onanistic; meals are always better when shared with people you love. In honor of Valentine’s Day, Saucyman readers shared memorable meals they have shared in the courtship process.

For Southlander, it was catfish cooked in a hand made yellow coconut curry that made her believe that she would be well taken care of in every way. ‘Earl’ was once approached and told that the abandon which he was attacking a lamb chop was fairly hot. Lamb was also a focal point for our wine guy, who made a Lamb Navarre that would have assuredly got the job done had his wingman decided to do his duty, rather than be all funny. What can I say, I have a vaudevillian need to go for the laughs.

A reader remembers the very basic Baked chicken, mashed and veg she made for her love the first time she had her over. Not to be outdone, I am told of a gentleman who makes the same dish on all his first dates – some people put the Barry White to set the mood, this fella makes brown rice stir fry - And I hear its impossibly good, you know considering it is brown rice stir fry. A couple of guys go to the grill, while Not Dominos loves it when her fella spends 2 days making sauce and kneading dough in preparation for pizza night.

A good Midwesterner warns her daughters never to trust a man who cannot cook. For an Eastcoaster, the opposite is true – she wants to be the mistress of her own kitchen and distressed by the thought of her love in her room. While another gal chimes in that she loves anything she doesn’t have to make herself, but subsequently denied she had a crush on either the pizza deliveryman or the guy who works the to-go counter at the neighborhood Thai place.

Popcorn, movie popcorn, is the source of hope and humiliation for MFAMAN, who wasn’t and isn’t as smooth as he’d like to be. For me, globe artichokes will always invoke that popcorn feeling. Once upon an awkward Valentine’s Day, there was an artichoke – a giant steamed globe artichoke that had sharp edges and the flavor was muted by the effort it entailed to get to it, the whole thing was more work than it was worth. Yes, I am talking about the veg.

Once at a party I listened to a group of women talk about how they like men who eat sushi. I was aware, even at the time, the group might have been talking about something other than what you dip into wasabi. It occurred to me that maybe they were being all PG-13 and sensitive to my manly predilections but I also know at least 2 of them were talking about the actual fish and rice, going on to claim men who eat something other than burgers and fries showed a sense of adventure. Men, have no such means test involving chicken wings.

SouthernAccent claims the sight of man making a salad dressing, not even a fancy rich one, but a lowly vinaigrette did it for her, proof positive that it isn’t always the choicest cut that wins favor, but the attention to detail that can be sublimely attractive. At the other end of the spectrum, an anonymous commenter tells us a steak on a plate, rare, served ala Carte in a restaurant overlooking the ocean sealed the deal on a romantic getaway. The lesson to be gleaned from these two examples? Expensive steak, handmade dressing. Starches are overrated, except when they aren’t…

Mashed potatoes (of love) received the most votes. The problem is that it isn’t one recipe for a tuber based love potion. Some want garlic mashed, a specific reader – wants, prefers, craves fork mashed potatoes with extra lumps, while I am not sure there would be a second date between us, there hasn't been a first either Blue cheese embedded and topped with gravy & butter struck a nerve for saucyreaders.

A FOS was once served something called The Panty Melter – a collection of 5 disparate and equally rich ingredients. Any combination of 2 of them could have got the job done; 3 and another glass of wine might have also worked but all 5 combined with the name, which does sound like it can be ordered from the ladies menu at a truckstop Hardees, was too, too many things.

Greg Rios, his real name, makes chili that his wife adores, his recipe even won a chili contest in the vegetarian category. A feat that made his wife proud - being an award winner, the chili has to be very good, making your betrothed proud, is something special.

So go cook something to make your sweetie proud.

Adam's Rib

Our next post, a reader-enhanced Valentine’s Day edition, will feature tales of food and love. It is an easy comparison, both can be about hunger and desire. While eating is analogous to love, especially in the early days of attraction, over the long haul, a long-term romance might be more akin to the act of cooking: it takes time to learn the ingredients, you have to surrender to the rhythms of the kitchen rather then force your will on it and then there are days when you do everything the way you have always done it and the results are all wrong.

The long haul isn’t about one spectacular meal, relationships are about the meals, plural that you share together. A FOS –Friend of Saucyman – tells her story about about a family favorite. Not of exotic or experimental cooking but more of what it means to enjoy the best of someone you love...

After fourteen years together, eleven of them married, our courtship days are past. We are beyond wooing and well into staying. We have prepared and served each other thousands of meals, for every possible occasion and under every imaginable circumstance. My man cooks. His signature dish is ribs, T’s ribs. Forget the erotic and aphrodisiac. Ribs are not the food not of romance, but of endurance.

It’s not just that they are legendary among family, friends and neighbors. It isn’t the years of practice and experimentation that went into mastering his technique and fine tuning his recipe. It’s that when T makes ribs, he is guaranteed to be absolutely his best self - his purest self. There is nothing more endearing or intimate than watching someone you love engrossed in total concentration at a task they are good at and enjoy.

The announcement “I think I’ll make ribs this weekend” usually occurs over a holiday when there is some found time. A man of little leisure, the quality of his attention is pure. His mood is good and no outside stress or pressure can intrude on this reverie. From rub to sauce to smoke to plate, his ritual is methodical and reverent -charging the household atmosphere with aroma, purpose and the promise of contentment. Rib day is a magical time of marital harmony and familial peace.

Much has been made about men cooking meat over fire. To this beholder, the masculine posture of grilling is a beautiful balance of action in repose. I imagine that if Michalangeo lived today, his David would be holding tongs in one hand and a meat thermometer in the other.

If “the package is as good as the present”, I savor the preparation as much as the meal itself. That is saying something, because T’s BBQ is damn good and has ruined me for all others.

Saucyman returns on Friday with tales of food and love.

Cookin for Two

Saucyman, I want to make [my sweetie] something for the Valentine’s Day rather than attempt to enjoy ourselves in a crowded restaurant. What should I make her? - Love her; hate crowds.

Valentine’s Day dinners along with Mother’s Day and Easter brunches are restaurant situations to avoid. I would rather have my theoretical sweetie serve soup from a can cold - than fight the horde of couples vying to eat hastily rushed food and endure the poor service at an over-crowded/over-booked restaurant on Valentine’s Day.

Well that and there is a certain power in doing. Taking the time and energy to please someone is worth far more than participating in some hackneyed cultural cliché about cards, flowers, chocolate, diamond jewelry and ordering a lobster ala carte. Not that there is anything wrong with flowers, chocolate or lobster but if you have decided you don’t have to go out to dinner to prove your love, you probably aren’t buying into the rest of it, which is good you aren’t trying to please the editorial board of Cosmo, only your sweetie.

Let simplicity and seasonality guide your cooking choices and you will be fine. The difficulty is that simplicity isn’t always simple; it takes confidence and acumen to serve food that hasn’t been turbo charged with cheese & meat & booze & habanero cream sauce & 18 cloves of garlic. Trust the ingredients and rest assured, the basic skills are there – the boil, grill, bake, steam – the aptitude and desire is there, have faith in your ability.

Seasonality can be difficult too. Sure tulips and daffodils are both colorful and more natural than hothouse roses, but the middle of February doesn’t offer a multitude of seasonal food choices. But if you think optimistically rather than literally you will have plenty of options. Think outside the cabbage and potato, spring is just around the corner – lamb chops, baby artichokes, asparagus and cauliflower are all in the stores and only a little ahead of the curve. For dessert - fresh strawberries: Even if those big, overpriced, cotton-ball strawberries that don’t taste like anything are so full of color they carry the promise of springtime. Besides even the worst strawberry can be enhanced by marinating it in either a straight brandy or flavored one like kirsch, Grand Mariner or framboise then dipped in chocolate, clotted cream, Sauce Romanoff and still retain the promise of longer days and warmer nights.

Ultimately you have to choose your menu: While lamb might be good, it really isn’t if she is a vegetarian…Just keep in mind this meal isn’t about you; so be prepared to drink wine instead of beer, eat fish instead of beef, serve green veg instead of potatoes and do so happily. If you can’t take pleasure in the meal yourself, enjoy the fact someone is loving the food, the thought and the effort you have put into Valentine’s dinner.

Feast of Eden

Sharing food is a nearly exclusive human concept, or so Martin Jones explains in his book, Feast. Outside of parents & children and a few primates, sharing food is an anomaly. Actually, for most species throwing food in the middle of hungry adults and encouraging eye contact is a recipe for a blood bath rather than a pleasant dinner party and in the animal kingdom and that kind of fighting isn’t precipitated by 3 martinis at the beginning of the meal.

For homo sapiens’ close relative, the bonobo (we share 98% similar genetic material), food gathering and sharing is a complex issue: like humans bonobos live in extended clans, communicate with each other via noise and gesture, use tools to collect food, they hunt other animals in groups and gather food individually. It isn't the primate's similarities to humans that make headlines; as a species they are rather famous for their mating activity. In published studies, bonobos appear to be less discriminating about sexual partners than drunken sophomores attending Big Ten Universities (no offense to bonobos, who with the power of speech, could probably explain their behavior). Bonobos use food as an enticement and prelude for sex. Granted, they also employ sex to mediate disagreements and reconcile bad feelings – what we humans call make-up sex. And it doesn't stop there, among bonobos, sex is a common greeting and a general socialization activity - customs that really don’t exist in human behavior outside of campus dorms located in Madison.

So why do we share food? Is it our omnivorous nature? Omnivores tend to be isolated into groups or packs. Is food sharing a result of the amount of time it takes our progeny to become sufficient? Do we share because communication allows us to organize and work together – what recent research has suggested is a sharing gene. Is sharing all about sex/reproduction/clan/survival? Or is it something that is both more complex and simple; that sharing food helps builds trust, mitigates disagreements and provides more advantages for survival than fighting for food.

As fun as it is to ponder these bigger questions, it is not the macro-implications of food sharing that are as interesting as the scaled down applications. Maybe it is because Valentine’s Day approaching, possibly it is a more personal interest because one of the few ways I can woo someone is not with my charismatic personality or worldly material success, but I sometimes feel it is only by cooking and sharing food I can truly connect with that special someone.

While that just might be inner bonobo thinking, but the part that food plays in courtship is a fascinating subject around here. Saucyman is asking readers to share stories of food and love. Tell us about the meal has that reinforced the bonds of love, extended a romance or maybe even possibly helped seduced? Share your story with Saucyman in the comments section or via email. I will cull the responses and publish them in time for Valentine’s Day next week.

Names of people, not food, will be changed to protect the innocent.

Hairshirt on my Tongue

Kumquats: Bitter, dwarf tangerine or somehow useful? – Bitter like a kumquat

Kumquat’s prevalent flavor might be better thought of as sour than bitter but why quibble, when we agree in substance the flavor might be closer to hairshirt than cashmere. Sour and bitter make up half of the traditional taste palate (recent research suggests both umami – meaty flavor - and fatty acids are distinguishable flavor components). With the prevalence of sweet and salty in the modern diet especially with prepared/convenience/snack food, experiencing sour or bitter on the tongue can seem a bit like atoning for sins.

Unlike oranges but for the sake of comparison, like apples, the skin of kumquats is edible. The outer portion of a kumquat is thin, oily, pithy, chewy, aromatic - despite its size the skin smells like a dozen oranges condensed into a single wee oblong orange. Biting into a kumquat isn’t as refreshing as eating a segment from a freshly peeled navel orange, the first sensation is surprisingly tart. Despite the fact many first time tasters want to know how to or if you peel the fruit, it isn’t the skin that is harsh, it is the flesh of the kumquat– it makes a lemon juice seem sweet – that is sour, astringent, and to many, many people, unpleasant. To others, especially if you like the sensation from bitters/tonic/Campari, kumquats can really get the gustatory juices flowing.

It isn’t just the Freaky Friday – the skin is sweet/the flesh is bitter – nature of the fruit alone that makes kumquats such an odd fruit, everything is a bit odd. The fruit is Chinese in origin (Its name translates as golden orange) but most the kumquats that reach the stores are of the japonica variety. So named because of the hybridization done in Japan; a mountainous country not especially hospitable to citrus productions but kumquats which grow on a fruit-bearing evergreen shrub are rather impervious to the cold.

Kumquats are also unique in the fact that people really don’t cook with them. Alice Waters seems to have collected the most kumquat recipes in her cookbooks – the most practical instruction directs cooks to slice the kumquats into little wheels then candy them in sugar to use as decorative garnishes. Outside of the Chez Panisse Cookbooks, recipes for kumquats are almost exclusively marmalade or on the savory side, for duck. Occasionally a faddish book or magazine will print a recipe but publishing a recipe for kumquats is like hyping a book you haven't actually read, it is all for show.

The fact that kumquats aren’t as popular as other citrus, even other bitter citrus like key or kaffir lime, is a pretty good indicator that the taste isn’t for everyone. Solipsism factors into taste, no one can convince you despite every sensory perception to the contrary something is actually good: Only you can make that determination. Kumquats are bitter and sour, but like the aphorism advising to take the bitter with the sweet, sometimes embracing the bitter can help you appreciate the sweet.

Ay, Chihuahua

Saucy, what brand of vodka do you use for mixed drinks?

Grey Goose, Chopin and the ‘1’s - Ketle and Hangar are all real good and real expensive: real expensive for a subtle flavor that will ultimately overwhelmed by other ingredients is a bad combination for a drink or cooking. I use Monopolowa for mixed drinks, I doubt it would win in a blind tasting, it does possess a slight medicinal taste but it consistently wins the non-blind test, the one where you can see the price tag. Its victory is because it is less expensive than the premium brands and better than cheaper brands.

Not everyone loves their vodka - AJ Liebling, whose appetite blurred the line between gourmand and glutton, was a man whose appreciation of a good drink, meal, (boxing match, horse race or woman) was legendary, but he did not like vodka. Accusing the distillation of not looking, tasting or smelling like anything. Not content to insult the alcohol itself, he went on to disparage vodka drinkers by stating:

“those who like their alcohol in conjunction with the reassuring tastes of infancy – tomato juice, orange juice, chicken broth. It is the idea intoxicant for the drinker who wants no reminder of how hurt Mother would be if she knew what he was doing.”

Long time Fan, First Time Disagree(r)

Here, I dissent – I admire Liebling's thoughts and writing enough that I even went along with his description of boxing as the ‘sweet science’. This despite the fact there doesn’t seem to be anything sweet or scientific about pummeling someone. I like my cocktails sweet and acidic, especially after work and before dinner – I don’t find those flavors reminiscent of youth, I find them good now. As for vodka, like black pants or good jeans, it goes with everything. Well, maybe, technically, it doesn’t go with breakfast but enough people like to get their weekend days rolling with Bloody Marys that I can’t say that breakfast vodka is an absolute prohibition.

Not such a fan of the tomato juice, but grapefruit and vodka do have a natural affinity, and on those rare mornings I crave an AM drink, a Greyhound beats a breakfast beer. Nor does the Greyhound lose its charm in the evening, the acidic tartness of the citrus makes for a good aperitif.

For those folks who agree with Mr. Liebling, switch out the vodka with gin and you have Salty Dog. Tequila can also be substituted for the vodka - this adds a little dimension to the drink. When this is done in a Bloody Mary, the drink becomes a Bloody Maria, a Screwdriver transforms into a Tequila Sunrise (with an assist from Grenadine), but for a Greyhound – the drink doesn’t really have a name. Some call it a Giraffe, but like the Salty Dog, it makes sense keeping the drink in the same genus - I prefer calling grapefruit and tequila, the Chihuahua.


2 medium sized Grapefruit (Yields about 4 oz of juice)
2 oz Vodka, Gin or Tequila
3 ice cubes

Squeeze grapefruit, add juice, alcohol of choice and ice together and shake, shake, shake. Serve up in a stemmed glass. A splash of optional soda isn’t going to hurt anything.